You don't deserve freedom

I want to thank you all for proving once again, that you should be the subjects of the Benevolent Overlord instead of citizens. You just aren't capable of governing yourself.

The Founding Fathers gave our country a great opportunity, and you continue to piss it away. They were the best of the Enlightenment, the very epitome of rational thought.

You are not their heirs. They would be ashamed.

I've already pointed out just a few things that all you "people" need to work on, but this just drives the nail in your intellectual coffin. Really. Obama's still from Kenya? Death Panels?

You are all an embarrassment to your species. You and the Benevolent Overlord are clearly unrelated creatures, and I know which one if us is higher in the intellectual pecking order.

Honestly, my takeover can't come soon enough.

I've got a job for you, Skippy

My black-garbed minions will have a PsyCorp, and Skippy will be their commander. I've always admired his Catch-22-like sense of right and wrong, and ability to extract necessary humor from the military experience.

How can I not like someone who has had to be given rules such as:

100. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.

114. I cannot trade my CO to the Russians.

200. My chain of command is not interested in why I “just happen” to have a kilt, an inflatable sheep, and a box of rubber bands in the back of my car.

Skippy, give me a call after I take over. I've got a job for you.

Compulsory Education

You'd be surprised, but for a guy in my position (as a Benevolent Overlord), I'm quite pro-freedom-to-be-left-the-hell-alone. As long as you aren't bothering anyone, or causing injury to another, I'm not really interested in bothering you.

However, there's entirely too much stupidity going on. Really. If you can't get yer shite together, I'm going to have to step in and fix things. Your willful ignorance has gone beyond "eccentric", you're now threatening the survival of our species. Since I have to share this world with you, at least until my mad scientists get some workable space travel, this is pissing me off.

So. In my New World Order, there will be compulsory education in math and science. Not much, but the ability to add 2 and 2 and get 4 on a regular basis, without resorting to Biblical authority, would really be nice. The ability to understand the basic science questions of our day, to tell fact from fiction, and to resist buying into criminally stupid and greed-motivated frauds, such as the lies about vaccinations and autism.

We're seeing the consequences of this in California, with increasing deaths from whooping cough. Whooping cough?!? One of the most easily preventable childhood diseases. And you people are letting your children die, needlessly.

Yup, its definitely time for someone to take over. You deserve it.

Fashion Police

I first saw the term "fashion police" back in the 80's. I think it was Saturday Night Live (it used to be funny), that had a skit featuring armed fashion police, on a mission.

I see things like this and I'm convince that Something Must Be Done. I mean, I'm not the only one who is beginning to think that "Fashion" has just gone too far.

Even men are becoming fashion victims. Don't even get me started on American Apparel. Or Levi's latest stupid ad series.


But don't worry. After I take over, all this will end. Everyone will remain free to wear whatever they like (or nothing), but I'll be putting some so-called designers on notice. Cut the crap, give us some classic fashion. Even men can get in on the action. There's just no excuse for sloppy, ugly, misogynistic crap.

I'll be watching you. And so will my fashion police.

People Who Can Help Me Rule the World

There are some people who Just Get It. They understand everything from the most mundane inability of a conservative Xian to laugh at a Jesus Joke to the great Cosmic Wonder of It All as expressed by Douglas Adams.

These people understand how the world works, how it should work, and how to get from point A to point B.

And they usually have a great kick-ass sense of humor, too.

When I'm the Benevolent Overlord, these people will have a special place in my empire...

Peter Anspach is the original Evil Overlord aspirant. He's been thinking about this since 1994, and he's on the right track. Unfortunately, he's just a little too evil, and not ambitious enough to actually take over the world. That said, he'll make a great minion. I'll probably put him in charge of my Secret Thought Police ("If you can't think, we'll be coming for you!").

Besides, Evil Overlords may have the best super secret volcano lairs, but Benevolent Overlords get the job done.

my golf courses will have real hazards

Golf courses are a complete waste of resources, especially in the West where water is increasingly scarce. Golf as a sport is too passive, too relaxing. Even Tiger Woods can't make golf exciting.

Golf needs needs some excitement. Definitely some danger.

A few shallow pools of water, or a little bit of sand just aren't really hazards.

Golf courses just aren't doing anything to improve our species, and it's time to change that.

After I take over, all my golf courses will have real hazards. I think this would really liven things up, don't you?

They call them bunkers, why don't they have machine guns in them?

I'm thinking something a little more intense. I think I'll start with alligators. After that, how about a few of the most dangerous animal in Africa ? Maybe some mine fields?

I'm going to have to reconsider the whole freedom of religion thing...

It's news like this that convinces me that I can't take over soon enough. You people are just screwing up by the numbers. You keep proving that you just can't be trusted with your own responsibilities.

The more you go to church, the more likely you support torture. WTF?!

Frankly this just doesn't surprise me. I was raised in a conservative church. One that had Sunday school, high moral standards, did charity work and believed that we are all God's children. By high moral standards, I mean that the (male) Church leadership caused a scandal by (getting caught) hiring prostitutes for its annual retreat. But it was okay, they asked for and received forgiveness.

Come on. So. The people who are most likely to demand their free speech rights, expect religious freedom (for themselves, not others), and claim the moral high ground believe that it's acceptable to torture another of God's creatures. No need for due process, conviction of a crime. You can torture anyone who is different, or is "scary".

You're scary, and I've had just about enough.

After I take over, the state religion is going to be Pastafarianism. Yup, you're all gonna be the Flying Spaghetti Monster's bitches. But it'll all be okay. It's beer and strippers for everyone! You're all going to be much happier after I take over.

I'm going to have a few words with the religious leaders. I'm going to take that "render unto Caesar" to a whole new level. Mark my words.